I Love the 80's

The next time we have an 80's themed anything, I will be ready. Today while doing a head turning project for my online class, I found out one thing, apparently the 80's are still acceptable. I have had no wtf faces, and about 5 you look cute todays. Am I complaining, nope. In fact I enjoy it because this is fun. Now if my mother got a pic of this, now she would probably fall out of her office chair, but hey, who said she was going to get a picture of this.

Social norms are mehh. (crap for a second I sounded like Kate)  They try and dictate how we should act, but the braver ones, well they have a style of their own, me not so much. Thats why wearing a cut up class t-shirt, dark heavy eye make-up, side pony, and bandana's around my wrist make me slightly uncomfortable for a minute, then it was just like wooosh and the confidence kicked in. It was an amazing surge of 'hey I actually look kinda hot in this.' Sorry guys, but I may be breaking this outfit out every once in a while, or at least rockin' some of this stuff more often because I just feel good. Shouldn't we all? I have shirts in my closet that I put on and judge for half an hour before deciding whether or not I can wear this because of how I look, and just not doing that for just one day, well its been all of 3 hours and I feel better than I normally do. Now all I need are mismatched chain and feather earrings and I will be set. Maybe I should call my aunt and see if she can do that, she always makes the best jewelry.

So if you see me today, I am rockin the 80's, and believe me, this is amazingly fun. Get out there, be different, find something new that is completely new, in fact, I think this black bandanna is going to be on my arm more often. Be Happy, Be Confident, be real don't be plastic.

Yours Truly,
Laurel Homa

Rising Up

Lately I have been tired, tired of my ankle, tired of ex-boyfriend depression issues, tired of being alone in the apartment(though that is my own fault), and well just tired. Now its like, why am I on youtube so much when I need to study for these upcoming tests like physiology on thursday.

Sometimes you have to wonder if everything is still worth it, if two hours of rehab then practice after is still worth it, if studying my ass off for a test that may be either okay or horrible is worth it. If even school is worth it anymore.

It is, I know it is, but sometimes it just doesn't feel as though it does.

There is a quote I read every morning that helps me at times, and though life might not always be perfect, it is what you make of it. Those old philosophers they got it right, life is a journey of hard roads, and easy areas of grass to lie down upon when you have things going your way. So, now its time to suck it up, get through the rough patch, and head off to that greener pasture where everything just floats by and is relaxing. No, I do not mean death, do not take it that way, I mean the part of the journey that floats on by, is so much fun, and seems to last for just enough time to get you from one rough patch to the next area of stress.

"Our greatest glory is not in falling, but in rising every time we fall"

Well, its way past time to rise up past the bad, and time to be positive, happy, healthy, and well relaxed.

Yours Truly,
Laurel Lee

Seriously You Guys...

We all seem to take life way too seriously, and well we shouldn't. Life ends whether you want it to or not, but we still all die. So we should take all bad things lightly, work hard to have fun, and enjoy the time we have.

There were my words of wisdom for the day, now on to the me parts. I can't wait for fall ball, I know, I know, I need to be focused on the present, and on the team how it is. But it is hard to focus on that when the next time that I am allowed to step on that field and do anything during practice time besides sit and watch is next fall. Yeah, thats the deal, in order to get the red shirt, there is no more catching in, just sitting, waiting, watching. It sucks.

I am doing well in pt though, Debbie's plan is working, and though I am sweaty, gross, and sore every night, it feels good.

Here's to the future

We R Who We R

Last night I realized I hadn't written any poetry in a really long while, and I think I will remedy that soon. But for now, I think I just want to type, about what, well that will come as these paragraphs go.

Operation Hook Up with Anatomy Guy has been called to a halt, as I think I should probably talk to him first, and quit smiling at the thought of a certain other guy. I mean, we don't know anything about this kid besides the fact that he was in our anatomy class last semester. I should at least know what program he is in.

Anymore it seems that the more and more I get away from Ian, the more I want to run back. I know its sad, its been all of two weeks, almost three, and I want to run back. I know I shouldn't as he can be a douche at times, but I do not know what to do about him anymore.  Maybe he is who I am meant to be with, yeah, still not so sure on that part.

I thought back to my old high school crush today on the bus from target and it made me realize how much better I am now that I am away from all that. He never liked who I was, and I am proud of who I am.

I am a geeky, dorky, Ke$ha dancing, dirty little freak, who can be goth, emo, punk, and preppy at the same time. I am a strong, smiling, amazing, better than that, Chatham Woman. Future Physical Therapist, mother, aunt, godmom, wife, fiance, accountant, home owner, grocery shopping, hott, perfectly imperfect woman. Its who I am, and who I have had issues realizing that it truly is me. I have not been able to recognize myself for what I am in the mirror for quite some time until this week, and I guess it means I am getting better at least with my mental part. I will always be slightly mental, but hey, its us crazies who make the world funner.  Aren't we all a bit of crazy? I sing, I laugh, I cry, I try to have fun, I have amazing friends at both of my homes, and I am not ashamed to say that I am me.

Now to go spend some time with those girlies tonight, and enjoy life's simple things, just not twinkies, I am so not into those.

Your's Truly
Laurel Lee

I Saw The Signs

I had a siting this morning of anatomy John, god is he hot. In a nerdy cute kind of way, yep, nerdy boys turn me on.

Anymore I think I write to preserve my thoughts, as anymore they often float out of my head before I get a chance to realize what is happening. I don't want to lose these memories, and since my camera broke last year, writing is all I have to remember the fun times with the girls.

My favorite time that occured at Chatham was not a team event, it was not for CSG, UBC, Athletics, or even just a regular event or trip. It happened during maymester on a somewhat chilly night that a group of us snuck onto the softball field with ten tons of snacks and planned to watch a movie. Did we watch a movie? Well no, but we ate, we drank, and we just talked. We let it all out and talked with each other, each person applying a new perspective to whatever happened. Sure there were noises that scared us, and yes, we knew we probably should not have been there, but it was fun, relaxing, and just what we needed. I remember laying in the circle between Natalie and Alex, throwing popcorn, finding the popcorn we threw, hoping that no one heard us as they passed by, and that what we were seeing in the woods was just a floating bag and not a ghost.

We need to do that again.

Hey ankle, you and me, we've had some good times together but ever since this time last year, its sucked. I know you didn't mean it, but I can't forgive you for what you did, but I also can't give you all the blame because it was me who stepped wrong on the base, me who fell, and me whose weight caused your ligaments to snap. How about we just make this a mutual thing and move on?

Play better tomorrow ladies, you are all doing an awesome and amazing job and I will be out there, with you again next year. Just not by pitching since that's not allowed.

Wherever You Will Go

These past few days have sucked. I feel like a cold heartless bitch because I dumped Ian and my dad seems to be on his side about it. I got told last night that just because we fight everyday, because I go to bed and wake up pissed off at him, and that my mental status should have no affect on us does not mean I should break up with him. Yeah, thanks dad. He did the same thing with my surgery, in fact he is still blaming everything but Blanda, and has reasons behind it. Of course, that really helps when the step of therapy I am working on is to forgive myself for tripping, and to forgive Blanda for screwing it up worse. So now I am doubting everything, and I mean everything.

Last night I had my first mental breakdown at practice in a month. I guess its because I sit there and watch. I don't feel like a teammate, I feel like I am the invisible spectator, the one who is always there, but never noticed. I know its not true in anyway, but that is how I feel.

I need to stop watching 16 & Pregnant, and Teen Mom. I know it sounds stupid, but after I watch it, I doubt my ability to be a mom LATER in life. I feel like I am going to fail my kids, and I do not like that feeling at all. I don't know how I am going to do it, but I am going to constantly screw up somehow. But then again, my game plan for kids is kinda screwed up so unless there is a way to nicely ask an ex-boyfriend to be a sperm donor, I don't see any thought of Damian Michael or Rowan Aisling anytime soon. But then again, Ian still figures that I will be with him again and so he is not making any plans to find another girl. At this point, it is still up in the air. The song in the title, it was supposed to be my wedding song, you know the first dance and all that jazz. I guess it wont be now.

On the good side however, I get to begin jumping at PT in two weeks, and i have not bitten my nails in a week. My sister and I are getting along, scary thought, and we leave for Myrtle tomorrow morning. Maybe the next week of being with my amazing, supportive, funny, team will help fix me.