So as you all may know, I struggle with relationships(if the fiance while first coming into college didn't tell you that, I hope you get smacked with a shovel.) and currently I am wonderign if everything is even worth it. I don't know if I am in love anymore, I think I say it more out of routine and comfort. I know he is holding on through everything because to him, I am the only thing he will ever want or need, but I am not so sure of that. Quite frankly, I believe I am much too chubby, and bitchy for him. I believe that he needs someone who isn't so bipolar or easily frustrated because that is exactly what I am with him, constantly.
Recently I told him everything going through my mind about that concept, and the whole I don;t know if I still love him thing. We decided that since I was tired of constantly hurting him, that we would try to sneak out of the routine that we fell into. Maybe I was just too comfy with the thought of us. Well as of last nights long phone call about dinosaurs, and family guy, with a hint of favorite food types(any food that mixes Chinese and chicken is good by me), and just stuff besides "Hi honey how was your day, I went to blah blah, bought some blahs, and finally studied blah". And guess what, that was the first phone call that I did not want to go out and make out with any random man in pittsburgh. So who knows, maybe that is all we need, and if not, at least it is a start. Oh and for those who want to laugh, he claims that he is going to carry me up the stairs in the morning. My bet is five steps before failing. Maybe it is all we needed, to get out of the routine, get out of the same old same old, and to almost make our relationship shiney and new instead of old and tarnished.
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