I can't take hearing 'That is a really pretty dress" one more time today. Its Cory's prom, and of course he is taking holly, who is wearing my old homecoming dress. I can't take hearing it, because she looks better in it then I did, and the fact that she and my mom are the only two who can seem to remember that the dress she is wearing is one that I wore to my freshmen Winter Formal. Sure it sounds petty that I am angry about it, but I just wish she would have asked. This is the second dress she has worn of mine without asking if I would mind or if it would be okay. The first was my slut dress to my best friends wedding. I was right there, sitting next to her the entire time and she still couldn't give a 'Hey, can I wear your dress?'

I know its really petty, and I know that neither dress will fit over my boobs anymore, but its the concept of asking and not just taking what is your older siblings. I have been a good sport all day, but the fact that my Nanna keeps fawning over the dress like she doesnt have fifty pictures of me in it is making me upset. It also doesn't help that my sister looks better in it then I did, and knowing that makes it worse.

Sometimes its good to be home

       I have been home for a week, and it is really weird. It's almost normal, and that is quite scary noticing that this is my family we are talking about. My mom is still her short but still able to stand up on a chair and beat you self, my sister though she gained a bit of weight is still the same old white punk gangsta she normally is, my dad still says stuff that cannot be quoted anywhere without people remembering it always, and my pooch is still an attention hog. It's kinda nice to say the least.

My mom and I both got interviews at places the opposite wanted to have their interview. I interviewed at Chase, she interviewed at Macy's. I didn't get it, but hopefully she got hers. Her bathtub garden is going strong again this year, and yes, I mean bathtub.

       
Things here are going alright, and I guess for now, I am alright with that. We have another tornado warning tonight, but hey, its hilly so I think we might be safe for a bit.

Wise words from my HoHo

So, HoHo stands for Holly Homa, aka Ho, aka my sister. So when she actually says something that I like, it is a miracle, so I thought I would share this tidbit with you. Well, once I doctor it up a bit from spelling and such.

"I want to be the batter your scared to pitch to, the pitcher you're nervous to step up to, but also the kid that your coach wishes you had the sportsmanship, leadership, dedication, and optimistic attitude of."

 

You are one of the main reasons I do not want to go home. Think about that the next time you say that you should be the only reason I should come home.

Sing About Everyone You Left Behind

     I am tired of all the fighting, of all the tears, of the looking up at my ceiling every night so pissed off that I can't fall asleep. I am done with thinking that it will get better. It isn't, and it probably never will. Sure, there was one time that I did have a future with you, but now, that future looks more like a verbally abusive death match. You believe that in order for me to be happy, that you have to choose between me and your best friend, then you clearly do not know me as well as you think you do.

      It does not take much to make me happy now a days, and all you really need to do is recognize that I do not like to be at home for extended amounts of time, and recognize that yeah, I am going to be depressed that the year is over, and its time to pack up and come back home. But then again, aren't we all supposed to grow up and leave the nest? Well, you apparently want to make your nest directly on top of the one you grew up in.

      But no, you cannot even fathom the fact that I am happier in a place where you are not. You can't believe that after these past few years here in the 'burgh, that I still love it here. You come up with excuses, its just the friends, or its just the school, but its not. Its the atmosphere, the uprising businesses, the career opportunities, its everything about this city that I find more attractive then home. I am tired of apologizing for loving what I do. Quit making me feel like the bad guy because you can't respect my feelings. You need to realize that right now, you are far from my first priority, and get that through your thick skull. The fact that you are even a priority at all should mean something when I have a career to focus on, an ankle to heal, and school to get through.

       Quit blaming me for your general lack of happiness, because guess what, its not only me making your life suck. You can control what happens to you, and even the things that you cannot control, you can at least influence. Show some fight, for something other than me not wanting to head back to Akron just yet. I am tired of your shit, and I don't think I can keep taking it.

No Rhyme, but A Lot of Reasons

This post is mainly a rant, sorry, but I really need to rant.

    I am stressed about this summer. There is so much that I can do, but so many more stipulations that go with it. Its hard to be positive when a lot of things have already gone wrong. I am hopefully going to be working this summer, well not hopefully, I will be working. But I do not know where yet, and when I do find out where, (12 apps out already), I will have to work on the schedule so that it suits the car schedule, and the people schedule of my house. Also, I will have to make sure that it does not conflict with rehabing, practicing, and volunteering.

     I will also be volunteering this summer hopefully at Akron General, however, I still have not heard anything back yet. And, like for working, there are at least three schedules I have to work with.

     Rehab will be easy, once I find a place for th ebox jumps, so I do not have to worry about that. Its the practicing that I am worried about. All my softball buddies from home have moved way out of state, and the other person that I would be depending on, kind of has a really badly sprained ankle. Their goes practicing with my sister, which leaves me with weekend work with my dad if he isnt too stressed out or working on a house. Like that will ever happen.

       Then there is just the overall use of space. Sure, Winter Break I could work with since I only had a suitcase of stuff home, and was out every day. But, now that all of my stuff is coming home, and I have quite a bit of bathroom stuff, and that Corey stole my cabinet in the bathroom, I may be screwed. My dresser at home already has enough on it as my mother seems hell bent on putting all of my old stuffed animals on top of it. I do mean all forty of them, and my jewelry box is somewhere underneath that.

     I am just really stressed thinking about going home, and its hurting my friends at home who text me and sense it. It makes them think that I really hate home when I do not. I am just worried about everything,

Gimps

My sister is currently at the hospital. She slid into second and possibly sprained/broke her ankle, at firestone. Is it bad that my third question was 'Were you at least safe? And did you strike out a Linger?" Yes, it probably is. I think we Homa's should ask santa for a baseless softball field for christmas

I will know more about her later, and well, at least now I can get back at her for calling me gimpy all Christmas Break.

Grilled Cheezus!!

I have taken to reading a blog on grilled cheese... Yes, my class is that boring and depressing that I am covering up and shielding myself with ooey gooey melty cheese on crusty, buttered, grilled perfectionary carbohydrates. Yumm... Unfortunately this makes me want to try some of the recipes because, well, kraft american cheese and wonder smart bread are not going to cut it any more. Well, they will, but they are the old favorite, the old wise family head that helps gives its ideas to its grandchildren.

So what does grilled cheese have to do with me, besides the fact that I really want to try a few of this chicks grilled cheese recipes. Well, its kind of like my life. I have two steady, strong support groups who can be buttery sweet, or hard enough to keep me in place. I am the cheesy gooey middle. The part that needs the two support groups to keep me under control, and to keep from leaking all over the place from insanity. Of course, the entire grilled cheese needs all of its parts, and though there may be some ham in there every once in a while, my support groups keep me going, not the men, the boyfriends. Nope, my girls both in the 'burgh and at home, my family; those are what keep me sane and going.

My life is like a grilled cheese, now lets see what fun and exciting other fillings we can find.

Laurel Lee

Musings of a Disgusted Student

I am rather disgusted right now while sitting in a class whose current lesson is on Child Sexual Abuse. Its obvious why I am disgusted, in fact, I would be afraid if I wasn't. Here is me trying to distract myself in one of the few ways that makes me feel better, blogging.

Where do we draw the line at lifestyle vs. abuse? That is our current discussion as apparently many who love children in that way are stating that its a lifestyle, much like being LGBT is a lifestyle. I completely disagree as it is their way of justifying their behaviors. There is a special circle of hell set aside for these people. Or at least that is what I like to believe.

I leave for home in exactly 14 days, and it is bittersweet. I can't wait to go home and relax for a few days, and then volunteer at Akron General, or SUMMA, and find a job somewhere that will actually pay me. Yep, busy summer with lots of distractions including an hour or two of softball a day. But I will be away from this city, this wonderful campus, and of course the atmosphere. I am going to miss this place, but I do have to come up here twice over the summer. The first is about five days after I leave for a dr's. appt so that I can get cleared to start to practice, and the next is for a UBC meeting.

I love knowing that i have a home here, and I know I will miss it dearly, but I guess its about time to get back to akron so my friends there quit getting annoyed with the limited amount of time that they get to spend with me.

Your's Truly,
Laurel Lee

I have been slacking on blog posts recently, and it all honestly its because I have not had much to say. I almost feel as though  I havent been here these past few weeks. I think I just went numb.

I still feel numb, and I do not know what happened. Our game against Waynesburg, where we got mercied, I didnt even feel it. I don't know whats wrong.

I feel, gone, away from here, and in a world all of my own.

Bring me back.