And Maybe, You're Gonna Be The One That Saves Me

Things last night scared the crap out of me. Scared me enough that I was thinking about leaving the hockey game and driving to akron right then. Sure, it would not have done any good, but I was ready to go, ready to leave.

 After the game, I put on a front, and tried to be excited for going out. I wasn't. I didn't want to go out. I honestly wanted to sit in my room with my panda and my penguin pillow pet, in flannel pajama pants and a large over sized sweatshirt, hair up in a pony/bun, and watch a little kid movie and pretend everything was okay. I wanted to go back to a simpler time when I was going to marry Prince Derek from the Swan Princess and live happily ever after as a blonde ballerina. But that is not the way life works. Instead, I got dressed up, had the boobs out, make-up done, and tried to go out. I wanted to have a good time, have a distraction from my own head. But things never seem to work that way do they?

We spent half an hour trying to find a parking spot before I gave up, practically kicked Nat and Alex out of the jeep and told them to have a good time. Then I went over to station square, farther than the stores, shops, restaurants, and past the inclines, to where parking was maximal, and the people there were minimal. I sat there, at one of my favorite views of the city, turned my iPod onto repeat of Oasis Wonderwall, and just sat there. I thought, I let all my emotions run wild and just watched my favorite view change. Cars going over the bridges, leaving the tunnel and going over the water. The Highmark lite up sign flicker, the movement of the river water and the sparkling lights on top. Just sitting there in the car, doing nothing brought me back down to earth. Made everything real again, and made me not as freaked out. This brought me back to myself.

My family and friends at home say that I only love this city because of my school, and without Chatham I would hate it out here. But that isnt the case. I love this city, it grounds me, it brings me home, and honestly, I couldn't tell you another place that I would be happier. If just going and sitting in a parking lot at midnight can calm me down then you know that something about this place makes me happy. Makes me live, breathe, relax, and see clearly. I love this city, and I never want to leave.

Also, random pictures of a shirtless Marc-Andre Fleury and texts like this one from Alex make this city even better. The friends are just the cherry on the sunday.

Yours Truly,
Laurel Lee